Ok, so I just thought of sharing some of the healthy ways of burning calories and maintaining a fit body. The first question is, do you really want to lose weight or do you want to be fit and fine?
Yes, that's a very important question because that determines your complete lifestyle.
Well, the techniques that I point out here are the ways to be fit and fine and not necessarily to lose weight. But I am sure if one follows these techniques, you won't feel the need to consciously lose weight anymore because, these will automatically take care of the weight losing requirement.
There are few important things to remember when it comes to a healthy lifestyle :
1) Nutrition
2) Strength
3) Flexibility
4) Calories
5) Basic Organ functionality
If one can take care of the above aspects, he/she is less likely to be unfit.
I shall start with Nutrition and keep on posting blogs on each of the above 5 topics as and when I get time.
Nutrition: This comes from our diet. Everyone knows what a balanced diet consists of and for those who don't know, there are plenty of books in the market and number of websites to browse to get the information. But there are a few things that I would like to mention here:
"Eat less to lose weight....Starve yourself so that the body fat melts to provide glucose to the hypoglycemic body"......These things are easier said than done. And following such advices( In case you have the determination to follow) only leads to multiple health hazards.
So what is that you can do about it. Here it is :
1) Eat a glass of water 1 hour before your meal followed by a lot of salad ( 40% Cucumber, Rest 60% Tomato+Onions+Cabbage+Carrot+Raddish+Beet+...) about 15-30 mins before you take your meal. You will notice the loss of appetite that you would have while taking the meal. At the same time, your body will be nourished in a far better way than if you would have fed it with processed food alone during the meal.
Why 40% Cucumber?
That's because, cucumber is rich in minerals. Not only that. It is full of roughage that our body cannot digest and therefore it stays in its undigested/heavy form in the stomach for quite some time thereby reducing our appetite. Thirdly, once it reaches the intestine, it has no other option but to increase our bowells thereby helping in the excretion process.
2) Milk is a must for a healthy diet. I won't say milk products because unless you are ready to work out a lot, milk products like thick curd, butter, ghee etc are not for you. But milk in its raw form (only boiled, without sugar, without any of the health drinks, without tea leaves or coffee beans) surely is an important ingredient of one's daily diet and is a must have irrespective of its calorie or fat content.
Why milk?
Milk is one of the two complete foods.
What is meant by a complete food?
A natural food item that has all the possible nutrients. Milk has carbohydrates, fats, vitamins, minerals and everything except Vitamin C and Iron.
If Milk is one of the two complete foods, what is the other complete food?
Well, that's what I shall discuss next.
3) Egg is the only other complete food that has all nutrients(Including Iron) except Vitamin C.
But yes, for those who are very particular about calories and cholesterol and those who don't believe in working out hard, egg intake should be less ( 2 eggs a week). For those who are are fit and exercise regularly, an egg a day is a healthy practice. For those who are trying to lose weight and also work out hard, an egg every alternate day or every 2 days is a good dietary habbit.
4) Fish is the king of all non-vegetarian dishes.
If you are a non-vegetarian, try to have more of fishes, slightly less chicken and completely avoid red meat. Fishes are rich in protien and some essential fatty acids like omega-3 fatty acids. Moreover, fishes do not have those harmful saturated fats that other non-veg products have. Atleast twice a week, fish and once a week chicken ( if chicken is not avoidable completely) is a healthy practice. All vegetarian people should compensate this loss by more of pulses intake.
5) Avoid white, have a colourful life with naturally available coloured food items.
Well, God has his own ways of colouring the world. He has his ways of painting good things beautiful and leaving the not so good things bland. So when you see a purple grape, an orange orange, a pink strawberry, a yellow papaya, a green spinach, a brown bread, or a red apple, a red carrot, a maroon beet, a pink raddish, go for it rather than the white rice grains or the white bread or the white potato.
Enough for the day.I shall continue some other time.
Till then, have a nutritious diet.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Essence of Silence
Silence...
Shh... Let the noise die out
Let the beauty sprout
Let the music be heard
Let silence b uttered...
The most beautiful words are the ones left unspoken;
The most beautiful emotion is tacit;
The most beautiful thought is nothing but a love token
For the one, you could die but not part with.
Silence is approval, silence is denial,
Silence is love, silence is betrayal,
Silent are the tears, silent is a smile,
Silent are the views spread over a mile.
Silent are the prayers that are answered in the Eden,
Silent are the rages of the angels in the heaven,
Mercy is silent and so is vengeance
No word can express mind, as can silence.
Words are misjudged,
Expressions are neglected,
But has ever been the silence
Of the young bride misinterpreted?
Shrieks go unheard,
Moans are ridiculed;
Has the silent drop trickling down the mother's eye
Been ever misunderstood?
Laughters lose their glamour,
Parties become monotonous;
But the smile of the father after his first-born arrives,
Shall always remain gorgeous.
When the chill of death passes through the spine,
When the silence's heard clear, the call of the divine,
When the blanket, so dark, so warm, is spread
To wrap us up in the silence of death,
It is then that silence is truely valued
And given the respect it has always deserved;
The aura of silence is then understood,
For death is silent and so is birth.
---Aparajita Banerjee
---Dt: 16th Jan 2008
Shh... Let the noise die out
Let the beauty sprout
Let the music be heard
Let silence b uttered...
The most beautiful words are the ones left unspoken;
The most beautiful emotion is tacit;
The most beautiful thought is nothing but a love token
For the one, you could die but not part with.
Silence is approval, silence is denial,
Silence is love, silence is betrayal,
Silent are the tears, silent is a smile,
Silent are the views spread over a mile.
Silent are the prayers that are answered in the Eden,
Silent are the rages of the angels in the heaven,
Mercy is silent and so is vengeance
No word can express mind, as can silence.
Words are misjudged,
Expressions are neglected,
But has ever been the silence
Of the young bride misinterpreted?
Shrieks go unheard,
Moans are ridiculed;
Has the silent drop trickling down the mother's eye
Been ever misunderstood?
Laughters lose their glamour,
Parties become monotonous;
But the smile of the father after his first-born arrives,
Shall always remain gorgeous.
When the chill of death passes through the spine,
When the silence's heard clear, the call of the divine,
When the blanket, so dark, so warm, is spread
To wrap us up in the silence of death,
It is then that silence is truely valued
And given the respect it has always deserved;
The aura of silence is then understood,
For death is silent and so is birth.
---Aparajita Banerjee
---Dt: 16th Jan 2008
Inspiration for Blogging
I have been writing literary pieces since my childhood, poems, stories , articles etc.
But Blogging is very new to me.
For starting something new, the first thing you need is inspiration.
Stragely I got inspired to blog by a guy who's 4-5 yrs junior to me. He'sRohit. A guy with wonderful writing skills.
I read his blogs and then today suddenly I thought of posting some of my pieces of literary works in this blog.
I shall keep posting as and when I get time.
Let's see how things shape up.
But Blogging is very new to me.
For starting something new, the first thing you need is inspiration.
Stragely I got inspired to blog by a guy who's 4-5 yrs junior to me. He'sRohit. A guy with wonderful writing skills.
I read his blogs and then today suddenly I thought of posting some of my pieces of literary works in this blog.
I shall keep posting as and when I get time.
Let's see how things shape up.
The Candlestands
It was the middle of the night during the mid of December. The whole of Agra Railway station was quietly covered by a blanket of white fog. The huge yellow lights looked hazy from a distance. They looked as old as the Agra station itself, as if they have witnessed everything that has happened in this station over all these years. They looked tired and worn out watching and hearing people from countries all over the world coming here and discussing the Taj, admiring its beauty. And not only the Taj, but many other aspects of this city, its people and their lives.
I kept gazing at those huge lights with my half slept eyes and wondered what all they might have witnessed over all the years of their existence...
Just then I saw a lame station vendor selling wooden candle stands walking past the platform with his support stick.
I wondered why was he trying to sell candle stands at the middle of the night. Who would get up from sleep and buy one now?
The young man sitting beside me might also be pondering over the same question. He was a well-dressed man with a briefcase as his only belonging. He looked well off. His eagerness about the vendor must have been much more than mine. I could say so because in a few minutes, I noticed this young man moving towards the vendor.
I could hear the young man and the vendor talk very clearly as the station was extremely silent.
"Why are you selling candle stands at this time? Who is there to buy? The only probable customers you have now are the beggars sleeping on the platform and half slept passengers waiting for their trains to arrive.", asked the young man.
On this the vendor was silent for some time and then probably wiped off something from his cheeks with one hand while balancing his basket on his head with the other. I assumed it to be a drop of tear. After this pause of silence, the vendor said, "Hukum, I make these wooden candle stands with my own hands and sell them in the station. For last few days, I did not get a single customer and I have been coming and going to the station in vain. My house is about 12 kms from this station and I need to take a six seater to that place. My wife passed away a few months back leaving behind a 5 yrs old daughter.
Today while coming to this place I have exhausted my last penny and now I have no money to go back home. My daughter is alone in the house waiting for my arrival. I have to go back. I am still trying my luck at this time of the night with the hope that at least one candle stand will be sold and I will at least get the money to go back home. My expenditure on each of these candle stands is more that eight rupees. I usually sell them for ten rupees each. But now I am ready to sell for five rupees. I need five rupees to pay for the six seater."
The young man seemed touched by the agony of this lame vendor. He put his hand in his back pocket and took out a ten-rupee note from his wallet. As he offered the money to the vendor, the vendor shivered with anger and pain. He cried aloud saying, "Hukum, I might be poor and needy but as long as I am alive and my two hands and one leg is working, I can't accept free money. If you really want to help me then please accept two candle stands in return for this money."
The young man smiled and asked him how many candle stands he had in his basket. Upon getting to know that he had a hundred candle stands with him, the young man opened his wallet for the second time and offered him two five hundred rupee notes in return for the hundred candle stands.
The lame vendor was almost into tears and I could only hear his voice tremble in an attempt to speak up, but no words came out. His silence spoke for him and his feeling of gratitude towards this young affluent man. The young man gave a gentle pat on the vendor's back with a feeling of self satisfaction and respect for this poor man who was struggling so hard to bring up his only daughter in a country where often daughters are sold for money among this class of people for whom mere survival is a challenge.
Having seen this entire episode in front of my eyes, I realized that the world is not a bad place to live in after all. There are still good, generous people around who not always do things for self interests and self pleasure. I was really touched by the gesture of the young man. I wondered how two entirely different worlds co-exist in our country. On one hand there are people who never mind spending huge money for big brands and show offs. On the other hand, there are people like this poor father who struggle every moment to feed themselves and their families. Thanks to the few human souls like this young man who try to bridge the gap to some extent at least. I was so impressed by this young man that I wanted to meet and greet him in person but just then a train came in whistling loud. So loud that the sound pierced through my ears and exploded before my eyes creating a white fume in which the old vendor, the young man and their story altogether vanished. I opened my eyes only to see the huge yellow light of the station and my train whistling loud in the platform. I was finally awake. I rushed to board my train and took my seat beside a window. As the train whistled for the last time before departure, my eyes kept rolling over the entire platform searching for the lame vendor and the young man. But all I could see were the rushing passengers and some sleeping beggars wrapped in their blankets in the cold winter night.
As the train departed, I kept staring at the huge yellow lights of the Agra railway station. Flashes of what I went through kept hovering around my mind. The episode that I saw might be a dream but I wondered how many such episodes might these yellow lights have witnessed or if they have ever witnessed anything like that. With these thoughts I slowly lied down on my railway birth and closed my eyes. As my body was swinging with the motion of the train, I could again see the lame vendor and the young man laughing at me. I wanted to ask them why they were laughing but before I could do so, they again disappeared somewhere in the horizon and I kept swinging with the motion of the train.
I kept gazing at those huge lights with my half slept eyes and wondered what all they might have witnessed over all the years of their existence...
Just then I saw a lame station vendor selling wooden candle stands walking past the platform with his support stick.
I wondered why was he trying to sell candle stands at the middle of the night. Who would get up from sleep and buy one now?
The young man sitting beside me might also be pondering over the same question. He was a well-dressed man with a briefcase as his only belonging. He looked well off. His eagerness about the vendor must have been much more than mine. I could say so because in a few minutes, I noticed this young man moving towards the vendor.
I could hear the young man and the vendor talk very clearly as the station was extremely silent.
"Why are you selling candle stands at this time? Who is there to buy? The only probable customers you have now are the beggars sleeping on the platform and half slept passengers waiting for their trains to arrive.", asked the young man.
On this the vendor was silent for some time and then probably wiped off something from his cheeks with one hand while balancing his basket on his head with the other. I assumed it to be a drop of tear. After this pause of silence, the vendor said, "Hukum, I make these wooden candle stands with my own hands and sell them in the station. For last few days, I did not get a single customer and I have been coming and going to the station in vain. My house is about 12 kms from this station and I need to take a six seater to that place. My wife passed away a few months back leaving behind a 5 yrs old daughter.
Today while coming to this place I have exhausted my last penny and now I have no money to go back home. My daughter is alone in the house waiting for my arrival. I have to go back. I am still trying my luck at this time of the night with the hope that at least one candle stand will be sold and I will at least get the money to go back home. My expenditure on each of these candle stands is more that eight rupees. I usually sell them for ten rupees each. But now I am ready to sell for five rupees. I need five rupees to pay for the six seater."
The young man seemed touched by the agony of this lame vendor. He put his hand in his back pocket and took out a ten-rupee note from his wallet. As he offered the money to the vendor, the vendor shivered with anger and pain. He cried aloud saying, "Hukum, I might be poor and needy but as long as I am alive and my two hands and one leg is working, I can't accept free money. If you really want to help me then please accept two candle stands in return for this money."
The young man smiled and asked him how many candle stands he had in his basket. Upon getting to know that he had a hundred candle stands with him, the young man opened his wallet for the second time and offered him two five hundred rupee notes in return for the hundred candle stands.
The lame vendor was almost into tears and I could only hear his voice tremble in an attempt to speak up, but no words came out. His silence spoke for him and his feeling of gratitude towards this young affluent man. The young man gave a gentle pat on the vendor's back with a feeling of self satisfaction and respect for this poor man who was struggling so hard to bring up his only daughter in a country where often daughters are sold for money among this class of people for whom mere survival is a challenge.
Having seen this entire episode in front of my eyes, I realized that the world is not a bad place to live in after all. There are still good, generous people around who not always do things for self interests and self pleasure. I was really touched by the gesture of the young man. I wondered how two entirely different worlds co-exist in our country. On one hand there are people who never mind spending huge money for big brands and show offs. On the other hand, there are people like this poor father who struggle every moment to feed themselves and their families. Thanks to the few human souls like this young man who try to bridge the gap to some extent at least. I was so impressed by this young man that I wanted to meet and greet him in person but just then a train came in whistling loud. So loud that the sound pierced through my ears and exploded before my eyes creating a white fume in which the old vendor, the young man and their story altogether vanished. I opened my eyes only to see the huge yellow light of the station and my train whistling loud in the platform. I was finally awake. I rushed to board my train and took my seat beside a window. As the train whistled for the last time before departure, my eyes kept rolling over the entire platform searching for the lame vendor and the young man. But all I could see were the rushing passengers and some sleeping beggars wrapped in their blankets in the cold winter night.
As the train departed, I kept staring at the huge yellow lights of the Agra railway station. Flashes of what I went through kept hovering around my mind. The episode that I saw might be a dream but I wondered how many such episodes might these yellow lights have witnessed or if they have ever witnessed anything like that. With these thoughts I slowly lied down on my railway birth and closed my eyes. As my body was swinging with the motion of the train, I could again see the lame vendor and the young man laughing at me. I wanted to ask them why they were laughing but before I could do so, they again disappeared somewhere in the horizon and I kept swinging with the motion of the train.
The Debt
As Nayanika woke up in the morning, she knew it was her last day in her house. She was only 16. Nayanika was a mild and polite girl. She was of average height and had a round face. She was slim, ofcourse not like what slim means for a Hollywood actress but slim as per middle class Indian standards. She was fair and beautiful. Her long, jet-black hair contrasted well with her light complexion and her big, dark eyes did justice to her name, 'Nayanika'.
But today she was looking dull. A month long depression had wiped off the glaze from her skin. Her face bore marks of tears that had trickled down her cheeks and wetted her pillow yesterday night. The dark circles beneath her beautiful eyes spoke for her month long insomnia. Today was the day that she feared for the whole of last month. All these days she wished this day would not come. But her silent prayers went unheard and the day had finally arrived. She knew her life wont be the same anymore. She would cease to be that little girl who played around the garden, plucking flowers and chasing butterflies. She knew she would have to forget everything that has been an integral part of her life all these years. The veranda where her mother used to dry pickles and scolded her when she picked up raw mango pieces from it before the pickle was actually made, the garden where her father used to take her for a walk every evening and taught her the names of all the flowers and fruits available, the lane through which she would accompany her younger brother every morning to catch the school bus, the house where she was born and brought up, her parents without whom she would not even think to live, her brother who has been her best friend and her soulmate all these years and all that she was a part of , had to be forgotten.
She gradually got down from her bed and went to the bathroom to wash her face. As she lifted her face and saw herself in the mirror on the wall, she cried aloud and her tears camouflaged with the water on her wet face. Her cry collided with the bathroom walls and failed to pierce through it. She alone knew that she was crying and her only companion was her mirror image.
Standing in the bathroom, her thoughts went back to the days before all this had started.
It was a bright sunny day. She was helping her younger brother to get ready for school. Their mother was busy in the kitchen preparing their breakfast. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. She ran towards the door and opened it. An ugly looking pot bellied middle-aged man was standing at the door. He tried to push against Nayanika with his nasty intentions, which Nayanika could very clearly comprehend. She rushed inside and informed her father that somebody was there to meet him. Her father greeted the man with a gesture so polite as if he owed something to this stranger. Nayanika was least bothered and she went to the kitchen to fill the tiffin box for her brother. Suddenly she overheard the ugly stranger and her father discussing something about her. She quitely ran to the room adjacent to the one in which his father and the other man were talking. She stuck to the wall with her right ear facing the wall and tried her best to overhear the discussion going on.
"No, I can't do that. It's impossible. She's my daughter", said her father. "Then what is possible for you my dear friend? Can you return the fifty lakh rupees that you owe me? I am only providing you with an alternate solution. Think twice before refusing the offer." shouted the ugly man in an authoritative voice. Her father replied, "I will give you this house and everything I have. I understand that even all my property wont make fifty lakhs but you know when I had borrowed the money I was only trying to save my daughter's life from that dreaded illness. Your father had said that I could return the money whenever I want as my daughter is his daughter and she should be saved. Please give me some more years and once my son grows up and starts earning, we will return your money." "By that time the amount would become more than a crore and then you will ask me to wait for your grandson to grow up and before that happens I would die. My father has passed away and I don't care what he promised to you. I want the money right now or marry off your daughter to me in a month's time. If you fail to do this, you and your family will face the consequences. And most importantly your daughter for whom you are doing all these will suffer the most. You decide what you want and let me know by today evening.” commanded the ugly stranger in his ugly voice and left the house.
Now she almost knew what was about to come. She knew which way her destiny was to take her and yet she hoped that some miracle would happen and she would be saved. She saw her father heading the kitchen and talking to her mother. She heard her mother's shrieks. She saw what she had never ever seen in all these years. She saw her father's tears. That was enough. Being a girl of a lower middle class family, she knew what the situation demanded from her. She knew she had to move ahead and help her father decide upon her doom because her sacrifice was the only way to save this family, her father, her mother and her little brother.
She went into the kitchen. Upon seeing her, her father quickly wiped his tears and her mother turned around to face the gas stove as if cooking something. They tried to pretend as if nothing had happenned. She firmly said, "I will marry that man."
The decision was not easy and she knew the consequences. Her parents were dumbstruck. They could not believe their ears.
They did not know what to do. But the decision had to be made fast. And finally after not much of discussion or debate the decision was made. The same week all arrangements for the ceremony were made quitely. And the ugly middle-aged groom had given a month's time to the family to prepare for their daughter's farewell. It was decided that in a month's time she will board the train and upon reaching the groom's village, he will receive her following which the wedding would happen and he will return all documents that held the proof of the debt on the wedding day. He also specified that the girl should come alone.
No body knew why and they did not dare to ask why.
Today was the day when she was supposed to board the train. Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, she tried to control her tears because she knew what her parents were already going through. She did not want to add on to their misery with her crying face and wet eyes. She knew which way her destiny was taking her and yet she wondered what fate had in store for her. She had surrendered herself to her fate. She walked out of her room. All her belongings were already packed.
She went around the house for one last time. The garden, the verandah, the lane, the wall clock, all looked so precious and different today. She picked her belonging and headed towards the main gate where her father, mother and brother were waiting for her. There was a silence as cold as death in everyone's face. No one uttered a word. Her mother rushed into the house and never came out again. Nayanika knew she was crying and she could not bear this site of her daughter stepping into hell. Her father did not face her. His lowered face revealed his feeling of guilt for being an unsuccessful father. Her brother was young and yet mature enough to understand what crisis their family was going through. Nayanika touched her father's feet and the silence was broken with her father's uncontrolled burst of tears while saying," Don't touch my feet, Nayana. I have failed you as a father. I am a criminal who should be punished but you are being punished for my mistakes. Never forgive me Nayana, never ever forgive me.". By hearing her father call her by the name 'Nayana', some good old times flashed past her memory when her father used to take her into the gardens and tell her pointing towards the rose, " See Nayana, this is the most beautiful flower in the whole world. A flower that symbolizes love. Its called Rose." Upon which she inquired with her innocent eyes, "Why does it symbolize love, father" and her father would just shake his shoulder in ignorance. For all that love that her father had bestowed upon her all these years, she would love to do this small sacrifice. She said, " I am proud of you father. And I know why you had borrowed this money. I know how much you love me and what pains you have gone through all these years to bring me up. I wish to have you as my father in all my rebirths. I love you father, I love you."
With this she took her first step out of the gate. Her brother accompanied her through the same lane through which she used to accompany him to the school bus. Their house was very close to the station and she wanted to be alone while boarding the train so she asked her brother to leave. Soon the train arrived and she boarded it. By this time, she was almost a soul less body devoid of all emotions. She watched herself being carried farther and farther away from the station by the train untill when she lost sight of the station, her village and her past.
It was a few hours journey and she didn't even realise when she had reached her destination. She boarded off the train and put her first step forward into her new village, new life. But the station was empty. There was hardly anyone except the stationmaster and very few passengers. She was expecting her to be groom there but he was not to be seen in the vicinity.
She had the address of his house. So she took a rickshaw and headed towards his house. She reached the house and found that he was a pretty affluent man. His house was a magnificient bunglow beautifully decorated with expensive interiors.
Upon knocking on the door, an old man opened the door and stared at her with inquiring eyes. She said, " I am Nayanika. Where is the owner of the house?” The old man smiled and went inside without uttering a single word. He brought an envelope addressed to Nayanika and said, "Malik asked me to give this to you whenever you come.". She opened the envelope and found all the documents that contained details of the money that her father had borrowed. She was surprised to see that and asked, "Where is your Malik?" The old man said, "Malik passed away last week. He was not well for few days and he knew he wouldn’t live long. So he handed over this envelope to me one night and the next day morning when I tried to wake him up for the bed tea, I realised he was no more." With this the old man broke down into tears.
Nayanika didn't know whether she should be happy or sad. All of a sudden she felt too light to sustain herslf. She could not believe what was happenning. She thanked the old man for the envelope and took a rickshaw back to the station. Now she knew what fate had in store for her. But she never wanted the death of a man to pay for her freedom. If she would have known that the price for her freedom is someone’s life, she would have preferred being devoid of her freedom for the rest of her life. In a way she felt guilty for what had happened. Her state of mind now was a perfect amalgam of guilt and joy, of anxiety and pleasure, of agony and delight, and yet she was excited to go back home. She recollected the lowered face of her father and immediately all her doubts vanished way. She knew what she had to do. She knew that the miracle that she was hoping for, had actually happened, that she was living the miracle. At once she decided to rush back to her village and share the news with her father. She knew how relieved her father would be to see her.
It would be a real surprise for her family. Now she wanted to reach her home as soon as possible. She didn’t want her father to cry anymore with a guilt feeling. She didn’t want her mother to shed any more tears. She wanted to fill the vacuum created in her brother’s life due to her absence at the earliest. A lot of time was already wasted and her family had been through a very tough time the whole of last month. Now the bad times were over, though it cost a human life.
The tear swollen eyes of her father, the painful shrieks of her mother, the innocent face of her brother whose silence revealed the hidden moan, was much more than what Nayanika could handle and here lay before her was a chance to wipe out all the woes that her family went through. Now she was happy. Yes, now she didn’t have any confusion and she was certain that she deserved to be happy.
She reached the station and boarded the train that would take her back to her village.
The faster the train moved, the more she felt that that she is getting delayed. She wanted to reach home soon. She wanted to hug her father and tell him that she is back, that he is no more indebted to anyone. She kept counting minutes and seconds. Her excitement knew no bounds.
As the distance between her and her villege decreased, the restlessness in her heart and mind increased. Finally, she was there. Yes, she reached her village. She pushed all other passengers, as she wanted to get down fast. She was the first passenger to get down from the train. She almost danced back her way to her home. And now the main gate of her house was there right before her eyes. She ran faster and faster and with every step she celebrated her freedom by humming a song and dancing to the tune.
She opened the gate and shouted aloud, “I am back, father. I am back. See what I have brought for you.” She expected her father to rush to the gate and hug her tight. But nothing happened. No one came out. The silence of the house and its vicinity spelled doom. She was scared. She slowed down her pace and moved towards her house apprehensively. She expected to see her mother’s arms outstretched in anticipation after hearing her voice echoing in that house again. But where was everyone? She stepped into the house and what she saw was beyond imagination for her. She would have never returned home if she had the slightest idea of what was awaiting her here. No, this can’t be true. She pinched herself to make sure that this wasn’t a
nightmare. She could not believe, God can be so merciless. How could fate play her for such a big fool? Is she being tested, but tested for what? She fell down on her knees semi conscious. Her eyes were dry. Not a drop of tear trickled down. No, she wouldn’t cry, not this time, not again, never again. She had already gone through too much for her age. Now this she could not take. She had gone through extremes of all types of emotions in a single day. And this was the last. She decided, voluntarily or involuntarily, to lose all senses that speak emotion. She wanted to be free of all feelings. And yes, this time her prayers were heard and answered. She stood up and danced there humming a tune and laughed aloud. She was out of this world now. She had lost her sanity. She spoke something to her father in a language that perhaps even she doesn’t know and right there beside her feet, the cold body of her father was lying, with a mark of string tightening across the neck. His dead eyes were wide open as if trying to confess his guilt before his insane daughter, seeking her forgiveness.
But today she was looking dull. A month long depression had wiped off the glaze from her skin. Her face bore marks of tears that had trickled down her cheeks and wetted her pillow yesterday night. The dark circles beneath her beautiful eyes spoke for her month long insomnia. Today was the day that she feared for the whole of last month. All these days she wished this day would not come. But her silent prayers went unheard and the day had finally arrived. She knew her life wont be the same anymore. She would cease to be that little girl who played around the garden, plucking flowers and chasing butterflies. She knew she would have to forget everything that has been an integral part of her life all these years. The veranda where her mother used to dry pickles and scolded her when she picked up raw mango pieces from it before the pickle was actually made, the garden where her father used to take her for a walk every evening and taught her the names of all the flowers and fruits available, the lane through which she would accompany her younger brother every morning to catch the school bus, the house where she was born and brought up, her parents without whom she would not even think to live, her brother who has been her best friend and her soulmate all these years and all that she was a part of , had to be forgotten.
She gradually got down from her bed and went to the bathroom to wash her face. As she lifted her face and saw herself in the mirror on the wall, she cried aloud and her tears camouflaged with the water on her wet face. Her cry collided with the bathroom walls and failed to pierce through it. She alone knew that she was crying and her only companion was her mirror image.
Standing in the bathroom, her thoughts went back to the days before all this had started.
It was a bright sunny day. She was helping her younger brother to get ready for school. Their mother was busy in the kitchen preparing their breakfast. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door. She ran towards the door and opened it. An ugly looking pot bellied middle-aged man was standing at the door. He tried to push against Nayanika with his nasty intentions, which Nayanika could very clearly comprehend. She rushed inside and informed her father that somebody was there to meet him. Her father greeted the man with a gesture so polite as if he owed something to this stranger. Nayanika was least bothered and she went to the kitchen to fill the tiffin box for her brother. Suddenly she overheard the ugly stranger and her father discussing something about her. She quitely ran to the room adjacent to the one in which his father and the other man were talking. She stuck to the wall with her right ear facing the wall and tried her best to overhear the discussion going on.
"No, I can't do that. It's impossible. She's my daughter", said her father. "Then what is possible for you my dear friend? Can you return the fifty lakh rupees that you owe me? I am only providing you with an alternate solution. Think twice before refusing the offer." shouted the ugly man in an authoritative voice. Her father replied, "I will give you this house and everything I have. I understand that even all my property wont make fifty lakhs but you know when I had borrowed the money I was only trying to save my daughter's life from that dreaded illness. Your father had said that I could return the money whenever I want as my daughter is his daughter and she should be saved. Please give me some more years and once my son grows up and starts earning, we will return your money." "By that time the amount would become more than a crore and then you will ask me to wait for your grandson to grow up and before that happens I would die. My father has passed away and I don't care what he promised to you. I want the money right now or marry off your daughter to me in a month's time. If you fail to do this, you and your family will face the consequences. And most importantly your daughter for whom you are doing all these will suffer the most. You decide what you want and let me know by today evening.” commanded the ugly stranger in his ugly voice and left the house.
Now she almost knew what was about to come. She knew which way her destiny was to take her and yet she hoped that some miracle would happen and she would be saved. She saw her father heading the kitchen and talking to her mother. She heard her mother's shrieks. She saw what she had never ever seen in all these years. She saw her father's tears. That was enough. Being a girl of a lower middle class family, she knew what the situation demanded from her. She knew she had to move ahead and help her father decide upon her doom because her sacrifice was the only way to save this family, her father, her mother and her little brother.
She went into the kitchen. Upon seeing her, her father quickly wiped his tears and her mother turned around to face the gas stove as if cooking something. They tried to pretend as if nothing had happenned. She firmly said, "I will marry that man."
The decision was not easy and she knew the consequences. Her parents were dumbstruck. They could not believe their ears.
They did not know what to do. But the decision had to be made fast. And finally after not much of discussion or debate the decision was made. The same week all arrangements for the ceremony were made quitely. And the ugly middle-aged groom had given a month's time to the family to prepare for their daughter's farewell. It was decided that in a month's time she will board the train and upon reaching the groom's village, he will receive her following which the wedding would happen and he will return all documents that held the proof of the debt on the wedding day. He also specified that the girl should come alone.
No body knew why and they did not dare to ask why.
Today was the day when she was supposed to board the train. Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, she tried to control her tears because she knew what her parents were already going through. She did not want to add on to their misery with her crying face and wet eyes. She knew which way her destiny was taking her and yet she wondered what fate had in store for her. She had surrendered herself to her fate. She walked out of her room. All her belongings were already packed.
She went around the house for one last time. The garden, the verandah, the lane, the wall clock, all looked so precious and different today. She picked her belonging and headed towards the main gate where her father, mother and brother were waiting for her. There was a silence as cold as death in everyone's face. No one uttered a word. Her mother rushed into the house and never came out again. Nayanika knew she was crying and she could not bear this site of her daughter stepping into hell. Her father did not face her. His lowered face revealed his feeling of guilt for being an unsuccessful father. Her brother was young and yet mature enough to understand what crisis their family was going through. Nayanika touched her father's feet and the silence was broken with her father's uncontrolled burst of tears while saying," Don't touch my feet, Nayana. I have failed you as a father. I am a criminal who should be punished but you are being punished for my mistakes. Never forgive me Nayana, never ever forgive me.". By hearing her father call her by the name 'Nayana', some good old times flashed past her memory when her father used to take her into the gardens and tell her pointing towards the rose, " See Nayana, this is the most beautiful flower in the whole world. A flower that symbolizes love. Its called Rose." Upon which she inquired with her innocent eyes, "Why does it symbolize love, father" and her father would just shake his shoulder in ignorance. For all that love that her father had bestowed upon her all these years, she would love to do this small sacrifice. She said, " I am proud of you father. And I know why you had borrowed this money. I know how much you love me and what pains you have gone through all these years to bring me up. I wish to have you as my father in all my rebirths. I love you father, I love you."
With this she took her first step out of the gate. Her brother accompanied her through the same lane through which she used to accompany him to the school bus. Their house was very close to the station and she wanted to be alone while boarding the train so she asked her brother to leave. Soon the train arrived and she boarded it. By this time, she was almost a soul less body devoid of all emotions. She watched herself being carried farther and farther away from the station by the train untill when she lost sight of the station, her village and her past.
It was a few hours journey and she didn't even realise when she had reached her destination. She boarded off the train and put her first step forward into her new village, new life. But the station was empty. There was hardly anyone except the stationmaster and very few passengers. She was expecting her to be groom there but he was not to be seen in the vicinity.
She had the address of his house. So she took a rickshaw and headed towards his house. She reached the house and found that he was a pretty affluent man. His house was a magnificient bunglow beautifully decorated with expensive interiors.
Upon knocking on the door, an old man opened the door and stared at her with inquiring eyes. She said, " I am Nayanika. Where is the owner of the house?” The old man smiled and went inside without uttering a single word. He brought an envelope addressed to Nayanika and said, "Malik asked me to give this to you whenever you come.". She opened the envelope and found all the documents that contained details of the money that her father had borrowed. She was surprised to see that and asked, "Where is your Malik?" The old man said, "Malik passed away last week. He was not well for few days and he knew he wouldn’t live long. So he handed over this envelope to me one night and the next day morning when I tried to wake him up for the bed tea, I realised he was no more." With this the old man broke down into tears.
Nayanika didn't know whether she should be happy or sad. All of a sudden she felt too light to sustain herslf. She could not believe what was happenning. She thanked the old man for the envelope and took a rickshaw back to the station. Now she knew what fate had in store for her. But she never wanted the death of a man to pay for her freedom. If she would have known that the price for her freedom is someone’s life, she would have preferred being devoid of her freedom for the rest of her life. In a way she felt guilty for what had happened. Her state of mind now was a perfect amalgam of guilt and joy, of anxiety and pleasure, of agony and delight, and yet she was excited to go back home. She recollected the lowered face of her father and immediately all her doubts vanished way. She knew what she had to do. She knew that the miracle that she was hoping for, had actually happened, that she was living the miracle. At once she decided to rush back to her village and share the news with her father. She knew how relieved her father would be to see her.
It would be a real surprise for her family. Now she wanted to reach her home as soon as possible. She didn’t want her father to cry anymore with a guilt feeling. She didn’t want her mother to shed any more tears. She wanted to fill the vacuum created in her brother’s life due to her absence at the earliest. A lot of time was already wasted and her family had been through a very tough time the whole of last month. Now the bad times were over, though it cost a human life.
The tear swollen eyes of her father, the painful shrieks of her mother, the innocent face of her brother whose silence revealed the hidden moan, was much more than what Nayanika could handle and here lay before her was a chance to wipe out all the woes that her family went through. Now she was happy. Yes, now she didn’t have any confusion and she was certain that she deserved to be happy.
She reached the station and boarded the train that would take her back to her village.
The faster the train moved, the more she felt that that she is getting delayed. She wanted to reach home soon. She wanted to hug her father and tell him that she is back, that he is no more indebted to anyone. She kept counting minutes and seconds. Her excitement knew no bounds.
As the distance between her and her villege decreased, the restlessness in her heart and mind increased. Finally, she was there. Yes, she reached her village. She pushed all other passengers, as she wanted to get down fast. She was the first passenger to get down from the train. She almost danced back her way to her home. And now the main gate of her house was there right before her eyes. She ran faster and faster and with every step she celebrated her freedom by humming a song and dancing to the tune.
She opened the gate and shouted aloud, “I am back, father. I am back. See what I have brought for you.” She expected her father to rush to the gate and hug her tight. But nothing happened. No one came out. The silence of the house and its vicinity spelled doom. She was scared. She slowed down her pace and moved towards her house apprehensively. She expected to see her mother’s arms outstretched in anticipation after hearing her voice echoing in that house again. But where was everyone? She stepped into the house and what she saw was beyond imagination for her. She would have never returned home if she had the slightest idea of what was awaiting her here. No, this can’t be true. She pinched herself to make sure that this wasn’t a
nightmare. She could not believe, God can be so merciless. How could fate play her for such a big fool? Is she being tested, but tested for what? She fell down on her knees semi conscious. Her eyes were dry. Not a drop of tear trickled down. No, she wouldn’t cry, not this time, not again, never again. She had already gone through too much for her age. Now this she could not take. She had gone through extremes of all types of emotions in a single day. And this was the last. She decided, voluntarily or involuntarily, to lose all senses that speak emotion. She wanted to be free of all feelings. And yes, this time her prayers were heard and answered. She stood up and danced there humming a tune and laughed aloud. She was out of this world now. She had lost her sanity. She spoke something to her father in a language that perhaps even she doesn’t know and right there beside her feet, the cold body of her father was lying, with a mark of string tightening across the neck. His dead eyes were wide open as if trying to confess his guilt before his insane daughter, seeking her forgiveness.
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